AYESHA RASCOE, HOST:
Nearly a quarter of American adults struggle with mental health problems like anxiety and depression. A new book argues that these issues are linked to an unmet human need, the need to feel valued by others. NPR's Rhitu Chatterjee spoke with the author.
RHITU CHATTERJEE, BYLINE: The book is called "Mattering: The Secret To A Life Of Deep Connection And Purpose." Author Jennifer Wallace says the need to matter to those around us is fundamental to being human.
JENNIFER WALLACE: Researchers who study it, you know, say, after the drive for food and shelter, it is the drive, the motivation to matter that drives human behavior for better or for worse.
CHATTERJEE: To matter is to feel valued by others.
WALLACE: By our family, our friends, our colleagues, our community, and having an opportunity to add value back to the world around us.
CHATTERJEE: Wallace says researchers have identified four ingredients to feeling valued, and she has created an acronym to remember those ingredients, S-A-I-D.
WALLACE: S stands for feeling significant or important. A is feeling appreciated, I is feeling invested in and D is feeling dependent on.
CHATTERJEE: When people have those four things, they feel better about themselves.
WALLACE: The research is finding that it is linked with lower depression, lower anxiety, reduced risk of suicide.
CHATTERJEE: But when people don't feel valued, it affects their health.
WALLACE: When people feel invisible or disposable, their stress hormones stay chronically elevated. That impacts sleep. It impacts immunity, inflammation, cardiovascular health.
CHATTERJEE: And mental health.
WALLACE: Researchers were looking at men who were struggling with suicide ideation. And the two words that they used most often to describe their struggles were useless and worthless.
CHATTERJEE: Wallace says, not too long ago, when she was a kid in the 1970s, our communities made us feel valued.
WALLACE: We knew our neighbors. We were a more religious society, and so we were embedded in this community that, you know, encouraged this idea of unconditional worth.
CHATTERJEE: The same with workplaces.
WALLACE: Our workplaces had a social contract, the idea that if you worked and stayed loyal to your company, they would stay loyal to you by giving you a pension.
CHATTERJEE: These days, Wallace says, communities and workplaces no longer offer that sense of belonging and connection.
WALLACE: And so what this has done is eroded our sense of feeling valued.
CHATTERJEE: But, she says, bringing back that sense of feeling valued doesn't need big life-changing actions. Small daily steps can feed our need to matter to others. When Wallace was interviewing people for her book, she would ask them...
WALLACE: When did you feel like you matter? It was never the big moments in life.
CHATTERJEE: Instead, they felt valued in small, everyday moments.
WALLACE: It was someone leaving them a seat at the table. It was a colleague checking in after a tough meeting. It was a neighbor stopping by with a pot of soup when they were sick.
CHATTERJEE: She says, you, too, can start with small acts of kindness and service in your community, for example.
WALLACE: Knocking on the door of an elderly neighbor and saying you'll take their dog for a walk. It's reaching out to a single mom in your community who may be struggling.
CHATTERJEE: Or at work.
WALLACE: It could be sending a quick text. If it weren't for you, dot, dot, dot, that meeting would have gone right off the rails. Thank you for always stepping in and knowing just what to say.
CHATTERJEE: And if you're wondering, why start with someone else? - Wallace says, it's the fastest way to feel like you matter too because these acts are contagious. Another tip Wallace offers is to be vulnerable with people about whatever you're struggling with and asking for advice, something that psychologists call the beautiful mess effect.
WALLACE: The research on the beautiful mess effect shows us that when we open up when we show some of our vulnerabilities, it actually brings people closer to us. It makes us appear more authentic, and people want to be in our lives.
CHATTERJEE: And as studies show, those genuine supportive connections are crucial to our health and well-being. Rhitu Chatterjee, NPR News.
RASCOE: If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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